


I still get nightmares

by Zaneey



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Nightmares, Psychological Torture, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-09
Updated: 2018-08-09
Packaged: 2019-06-24 03:34:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15621660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zaneey/pseuds/Zaneey
Summary: ''I still get nightmares from when we drifted with that disgusting kaiju brain."One of the nightmares Hermann was talking about and what happens after.





	I still get nightmares

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to @burngormanlesbian, I get angsty at 3 am and write stuff in a burst and make myself sad. :( English is not my mothertongue, I'm tired and it's not beta-ed so if you spot mistakes... Uuuuhhhhhhh... My bad?

_Blood. But that's alright, he is used to it._

_The dazzling blue light hurts his eyes but he keeps walking. He lost his cane at some point and the pain radiating from his whole leg is making him wince and whine at each step._

_He feels the blood dripping from his nose and forehead. One of his eyes is twitching. He feels his left side move painfully and the spreading warmth of the blood stick to his clothes._

_He has been attacked. He is running away now. He is running away and for God knows how long. He knows he can't escape them but it's an instinct, it's visceral **-he has to-**._

_He hears this weird sound, almost like a whistle, and he tries to accelerate his pace, but he can't and falls to the ground._

_They are now above him, looking at him with their multiple blue eyes, their pending jaws, and they look hungry._

_Hermann curls up, hands on his ears, and whispers ' **'please no not again please what have I done to you please no’’** in loops as they begin to slash through his flesh and through his mind, ripping them apart._

_He feels his guts spread on the ground beneath him, he feels his bones crack, he feels his mind being violated as remnants of the drift flash behind his closed eyelids._

_And during all of this, he remains silent. He knows the drill. If he screams, it's going to be worse. So he grits his teeth and cries without a moan as his very skin is teared off of his bones._

_The precursors make all together this awful sharp noise as Hermann feels his whole body agonizing. All of his bones are broken and he can feel all of the 206 of them ache un pain._

_One of the precursors approach. Its jaw seems to spread in a sickening, monstrous smile._

_Hermann lets out a hissing breath and suddenly a sharp agony spreads in his forehead._

_He can't breath anymore, it's like the agony slit his throat, he can't scream either._

_He feels something damp on his face already soaking with blood and then there is Newt's face above him._

_He is crying, but looks shocked. No, not shocked. He is just staring at him with wide eyes and mouth ajar, as if he weren't there._

_The throbbing pain in his forehead spreads to his whole head, then his whole body._

_He can't look at Newt. If he does..._

_Hermann closes his eyes and, without any warning, feels all of his limbs being shred to piece, teared appart from him and his bones crushed all at the same time in atrocious noises._

_He can't help but open his eyes widely and yells in agony at the top of his lungs he is not supposed to have anymore. He keeps shrieking and screeching as he tries to move his shredded body, gripped by the throat by a panic attack. He coughs up blood and one of his eyes pops out and Newt just looks at him like he is devastated and that can't be because Newt doesn't care anymore and Hermann is usually alone and he can't do this anymore he can't he tried but he can't it's been ten years he wants to rest he wants to sleep and oh my God I can feel everything that is broken and it will never be over these are my **guts** and my **blood** on his face why isn't he helping me I can't live this anymore please **someone** help me **please** I don't want to live this again I **don't want to live please I don't-**_

Hermann takes a deep breath as he falls from his bed and hits his head violently on the floor. His cheeks are drowned in tears, droplets of blood are pearling from his nose and his left eye is throbbing. He raises on his elbows then rolls over to lay on his back. His forehead hurts and blood drips on his cheek then on the floor. He looks at the ceiling with a blank expression, getting his breath back, sometimes swallowing, his mouth slightly open. One would think he was dead, if it was not for his chest raising at each slow inhalation.

He does so for what seems like hours, still struck by the nightmare.

And then, he lifts one arm to grab a pillow on the bed and shove it in his face, sinking in it in silence, squeezing it harder and harder to the point where he can't breath anymore. He closes his eyes.

For a moment, he feels at peace. He feels silence. But then he hears his heartbeat. He hears the whistling noise of the precursors. He hears his bones crack, being crushed, his guts spread on the ground, disgusting squishing sounds of ravaged flesh and he can't. He just can't and he breaks in a heart-wrenching scream of despair. Then he cries in the pillow for who knows how long.

* * *

Hermann watches his reflection in the mirror. Why does he still get nightmares ?

He looks so tired, so old. He takes a step back to look at his sides. He can see his ribs. He's never been that skinny. He was morbidly weak. There is bags under his eyes and his skin is so pale that he can see at some places the veins beneath.

He slips in the shower slowly, turns the water on and slides down on the tiles in a ball.

How can he feel so bad and nothing at the same time ? He feels _empty_. But he also feels so much that it's like he is going to _explode_.

_He wants Newt. He misses him so much._

* * *

**''I... I still... Get nightmares... From when we drifted with that disgusting kaiju brain.''**

**''Yeah... But it was one hell of a rush, wasn't it?"**

Nononono he doesn't understand he doesn't get it Hermann is dying he is actively dying he knows he is he does live but doesn't at the same time he thought that Newt would help he thought that he would understand him but he doesn't care anymore and Hermann is going mad he really is he feels it but-

Breath in. Breath out. Close your eyes. Open them.

Newt is already gone.

Hermann can't. He can't anymore.

But then again... He's been thinking this for almost ten years. And yet... Here he is.

* * *

Hermann enters the cell. The door lock automatically behind him and he pushes in the back of his mind the voice that tells him that he just locked himself in a room with his torturers.

**''Hello, precursors."**

They smile.

Whistling sounds echoe in Hermann's head.


End file.
